The Revenge of BP

It was like my own personal horror movie.  On Saturday, it was to be my last day of training with BP, and I would spend my last 2 days training with the cool chick.  Well, BP took it upon herself to turn this into a make or break situation, and I broke.  I walked in, and she asked me how training went with the other girl.  I told her how fantastic it was, all the while noticing the smirk on her face.  I knew she had something up her sleeve.  She turned to me and began telling me how much better my co-worker was doing than me and that she was just picking it up and running with it. (This was the opposite of what the other girls told me, but that's beside the point.)  She then said I would be handling the job by myself.  As in, no help from her at all.  She also instructed the girl who was supposed to be doing my position not to help me either.  I felt the color drain from my face and panicked with what I should do.  A rational person would have explained that she wasn't ready to handle that and asked for additional training, but I was not rational at that moment.  I also knew the bitch would have been snarky about it and probably wouldn't have let me get away with that anyway.  So, I calmly walked into the break room, grabbed my purse, and headed to my car.  I then contacted my training coordinator and let her know that this was not going to work for me.  She was very patient and understanding and assured me that BP had acted inappropriately.  It was very sweet, but not enough to make me want to stay.

I came home, making it a pointless 6 hour round trip drive, and proceeded to start having cardiac issues- sweating, racing pulse, high BP, etc.  I went to the ER the next day, spending 6 hours getting poked and prodded (see picture below).  This experience was a nightmare in itself in that I was there for so long, and they never gave me so much as a bag of fluids, which I think would have alleviated many of my symptoms.  They did run a battery of test, which will be crazy expensive, I'm sure, but they treated me in the hall.  As in, they didn't have enough rooms, so to compensate, they have monitors on the walls in the hall in front of the Nurses' station, so I was on display for all to see.  The final diagnosis was acid reflux (total horseshit, as I know what that feels like) and stress.  So, the job and I are parting ways, because it isn't worth this shit.  This is why I'm here writing this instead of there having panic attacks.

The problem is I'm all freaked out about the medical field now, because apparently they just throw you into stuff and expect you to sink or swim.  And I sink, because I can't get past the fact that I'm dealing with actual human lives.  Everyone who is successful in healthcare is able to put their emotions and fears on hold and just dig in.  That's right, America, your Nurses and Doctors are just as clueless as you are, but they're not afraid to just start poking and prodding you, because they're not afraid of death (yours, that is).  I don't know if Nuclear Medicine is different, since it does require a certain level of technical skill that they have to teach you.  I did observations for Nuc Med at 2 different facilities, and it really didn't seem like something I couldn't handle.  The process is fascinating to me, so I think I would love studying it and doing it.  I am still hanging on to that HR interview as an out, though, just in case.

If you've never seen a blown vein, here's what it looks like.  This is what happens when you throw people into the medical profession armed only with a needle and determination.