Halloween Pics

I would love to write something clever and snarky, but I'm pretty sure I'm about 3 seconds from coming down with the flu. The girls both have it, and my immune system rivals that of an AIDS patient, so it's only a matter of time. Plus I'm a big ol' hypochondriac anyway, so I'm over here molesting my neck to feel for swollen glands, checking my temperature, and documenting every sniffle and sneeze.  So while I'm over here dying, enjoy pics of the people that put me in this situation.  Germ factories with legs.

First up: the Pumpkin Patch

Sophie up to her same old shit with the camera

She wanted to pull the wagon

This kid and his expressions.  He cracks me up.

I think she can totally pull off the cowgirl look.

Who's missing?

There she is, being an asshole.

See how she's smiling in this one?  You know why?  She's banging the shit out of that bucket/pig's nose.  I mean hitting it full force, being as loud as possible.  Seriously, she's an asshole. That's why she looks so happy.

"Oh, I'll pose, but I'm not looking at the camera."

"Fine, I'll look at the camera, but my expression will say 'serial killer'".

Here's the part where I FINALLY got Sophie to agree to a group photo, and Victoria decided it was her turn to give me grief.

So now they're both making obnoxious faces.

And it got worse. 

I was 2 seconds from murdering someone. 2 out of 3 facing the camera was not enough!

Finally. Now we can go home and carve the pumpkins.  Except we didn't.  The hubs and I were out of town running a 5k, and then I just didn't feel like it, so I still have 3 humongous uncarved pumpkins sitting on my steps.

I didn't carve the pumpkins, but I did make some cute food stuff.  This was Shepherd's Pie with ghost mashed potatoes. 

Mummy Dogs

Meatloaf Man.  This is enough to make me go back to being a vegetarian.  It looks nasty, but tastes good.  The orange shit is cheese.

My in-laws gave the kids a brownie kit, where you make brownies shaped like haunted houses.

Vic smiling with hers.

Sophie frowning with hers.  Shocker.

Trev was too cool to help, but damn if he didn't help eat them.

 And now for the Halloween pics, which made me realize I really really really need a decent camera, not the craptacular one on my phone.  Why are pictures so important to me? 2 reasons: 1. I have the memory of an abused dog.  I remember something kind of happened before, and for some reason I don't really like you, but I can't remember why, so I keep coming back for more.  Pictures allow me to remember exactly how obnoxious the children were, providing years of torment and payback for when they start dating and have children of their own. 2. My baby pics are almost non-existent.  I've been told many times that "they do exist, but they're on slides," so I want to make sure my kids have photographic evidence that they existed, they were loved, and that we actually did fun stuff, so I can throw it in their faces when they get old and bitch about their supposedly shitty childhoods.

Oh My God.  Trying to photograph this child is hard enough without her wearing an effing costume that can be seen from space when light hits it.  I pouted the first half of trick-or-treating, because of my horrible camera and her  lack of cooperation, vowing at one moment never to attempt to photograph her again.  That lasted 2 seconds, because seriously, do you see these 2 together?  A Firefighter and Policeman. I love them.

Draculaura with her jacked up makeup.  That cheap stuff just didn't cut it.  I tried, but it wouldn't smooth out evenly. She was still beautiful, as usual.

They were holding hands a majority of the night. (Tear)

I was so proud of Trev for being something scary instead of Batman for the bajillionth time.  

Our last stop was our neighbor's house.  It wasn't supposed to be, but they bought candy just for the kids, which means they got a ton of it, so we really didn't need to go to anymore houses.  Shortest Halloween Ever!

Look at that face.  Jesus. 

Trevor looks like he's trying to drop a deuce while Sophie is trying to make my face melt with her brain.

In addition to the Halloween hoopla, we found out that Victoria's picture is being used on the Richland 2 District website. I don't know how often they change the photos, so here it is:

They had professional chefs come in a make food for the kids, which I thought was really cool.  They were promoting healthy eating, which is a great initiative.  

Master Manipulator

On Friday night, we were over at our neighbors', and the kids were playing.  Victoria somehow ended up bumping heads with their kid, and her already loose front tooth became looser.  It was pulled out by my drunk heroic neighbor, so she got a visit from a tipsy tooth fairy that night that had to scrounge around the change jar to drum up some dough while her husband was passed out on the living room floor (lucky gal).  Well, the next day, we noticed the tooth next to it was ready to come out as well.  It was still in her head today hanging by a thread, so we wanted to get it out so she didn't swallow it in the middle of the night.  The hubs ended up making a deal with her to go ahead and pre-purchase a goody from the store while they were out today in order to prevent the tooth fairy from having to make another trip and to encourage Victoria to wiggle that thing out.  She chose markers, and the deal was done...or so we thought.  The tooth was still in there at bedtime, so she and I grabbed some floss, and with some twisting, a little blood, and a tremendous amount of gag suppression, I was able to yank it free.  Then, all of a sudden, she declared the prior deal null and void.  Wesley told her the tooth fairy wasn't coming, and she got really upset.  I wanted to keep the magic a little longer, so I told her we would see what we could do.  Well, I went into her room later to check on her, and I saw these pictures surrounding her tooth:

They're both pictures of the tooth fairy (I assume), and one says "I Love You," so seriously, what they hell was I supposed to do?  I had to reward the kid and leave her some scratch and a note from the TF herself:

Now if this happens again tomorrow, I'm going to have to put a stop to it.  And, probably also take that kid to the dentist, because that shit is fucked up.  I've had nightmares about pulling my own teeth out.  I don't intend to live them out through my daughter.  Also the tooth fairy is going broke.

It Takes A Village

It's so awesome to have neighbors.  After lamenting about having the kids home for a week and preparing myself for fussing, fighting, and messes, I received a text from Nikki asking if we wanted to join her and her son at the park.  So, that's what we did today.  We were out of the house for several hours, and by the time we got back, everyone was exhausted.  Both girls have been asleep in my bed for over an hour.  Tomorrow, we're heading to the zoo, and Wednesday, we're going to a bounce house.  Thursday is my orientation, and Friday I have class, so Wesley will be here.  It looks like I'll survive the week, after all.